Coping
There is probably never an ideal time to get unwelcome news. It does seem, however, that getting a rejection letter on the coldest day of the decade is particularly cruel.
Last month I applied to the master’s program in creative writing at The Ohio State University for fall of 2019. The program would provide a stipend and fully fund my studies in return for serving as a graduate assistant and eventually teaching undergrad classes.
This morning my application was unceremoniously dismissed via email.
Since last summer I have been struggling to find my niche as a writer. This is just the latest ‘thanks but no thanks’ reply in what is beginning to feel like an endless losing streak.
It should be noted that I am woefully low on coping skills when it comes to rejection. Knowing that about myself has been one reason I try to temper my expectations. Do not to aim too high, hope for too much, dream too big. When you fall — and you always seem to fall —it hurts.
As I buried my tear-streaked face in my pillow, I realized that this day presented a few choices.
Crawling under the covers and staying there was my first course of action. This seemed reasonable because it’s 40 degrees colder today in Columbus, Ohio than it is in Juneau, Alaska. Everyone wants to stay in bed.
After an hour of hiding under my familiar blanket of self-pity, I recalled that this particular strategy has seldom relieved my emotional turmoil. It usually makes things worse.
Knowing that a soul-cleansing, sun-soaking walk around the block was out of the question since it’s -5 outside, I decided to try a couple of things I never do when I run face-first into one of life’s many roadblocks: practice self-care and clean the house.
First I gulped down almost an entire bottle of water because after all that weeping I was feeling dehydrated. The next step involved a face mask and a wrinkle-fighting serum to counteract the lines formed by my ugly crying.
After that I swept the floors, leaving visually pleasing vacuum tracks in my wake. Seeing neat those orderly rows was such a high that I would have fired up the lawn mower if it was safe to be outside today.
Once the washer was loaded with laundry, I wandered over to my computer where I read a Facebook reply I got last night from one of my new-found cousins. Here’s part of it:
“Oh Nona, my heart goes out to you. You missed out on having the big loving arms of a big relation filled with cousins...Times must have been tough with your family. Looks like you turned out GREAT - Bless your heart. .. Look at you - brilliant girl - You turned out so good.”
Tears ran down my now-dewy cheeks to the fluffy fresh carpet below. Mick Jagger was right: You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.
It’s time to regroup, refocus and replenish. Life is full of disappointments, but I can cope.
